The alarm clock went off this morning indicating the day has arrived in which we must say goodbye. After showering I asked my husband, "Would you like to have the honor of changing the last diaper?" He sweetly replied, "No, you can do it." Mainly because he knew it was going to be a stinky one.
The Lord & that precious baby have a great sense of humor.
I carried the baby from the bedroom into the living room and laid her on the floor---actually on our favorite memory foam rug in the middle of the living room. As I started to change her diaper I noticed that the poop had gone up the back of her diaper, and then realized it had gotten on the rug. "Get the tuff stuff! Poop got on the rug!" I yelled to my husband. As he came in to start cleaning the rug, I proceeded to continue to clean the baby and put a new diaper on her. Then, while putting a new diaper on, the baby went on to pee all over the new diaper. She hasn't peed while we changed her diaper in MONTHS! So I put another new diaper on her. I finished and she was set. I kept her laying on the floor, on the rug, in the middle of the living room because I had to use the bathroom. I re-enter the living room not even 5 minutes later to find the baby laying next to POOP ON THE RUG. It seemed as though the poop shot up the front of her diaper. "Oh my, Matt, come look at this!" I yelled to my husband again. He got the cleaning supplies again, and her and I made a B line for the bathroom so she could get a quick bath and ANOTHER new diaper. I still don't understand how that happened.
When I woke up this morning, I thought I would change one last diaper,
I didn't know I would get to change THREE.
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Okay. Enough about poop.
I'm so thankful for the community of people that Matt and I get to call our's. Even more, we serve a mighty and loving God. A good, good Father. I've been fervently praying for peace and our community was praying the same. The Lord graciously answered all of the prayers as I've had so much peace the last couple of days.
This morning when I woke up was the same. The peace that surpasses all understanding guarded my heart and mind (Philippians 4:7). Getting into the car brought on all kind of unsettling emotions...
Irritation.
Nerves.
Heart Pounding.
But the time came, and A went to her to dad. It wasn't easy, but it was good.
On one hand I am doing better than I thought I would, but on the other than this is a lot harder than I had expected. From day one, May 23, we knew that she would only be with us temporarily. But even knowing that doesn't make her not being with us any easier. Knowing that didn't prepare us for the farewell. This is hard, people. Loss is hard. Grief is hard. And whats more is that there isn't anything anyone can do or say that is going to make it any easier. Only time will heal my heart. I gave my heart. I gave my everything. I loved so much it hurts. That little girl changed my life.
She brought so much joy and light into my life, and I know she will do
that for her family and every person that she comes into contact with.
One chapter of our foster care journey has ended, and oh boy was it an amazing chapter.
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The Next Day
It has been well over 24 hours since we last saw A. I've reached the stage where so many things remind me of her. I had a hard time walking by the baby section at Target today. Oh, and I've lost track of the number of times I've called my MIL's cat by her name. After having her with me for 7 months, its going to take some time getting used to being without her.
My encouragement to you other foster mommas out there that are grieving over your foster child going back with their biological family or just being moved in general, hold tight to The Lord & His calling on your life to take in the orphans (James 1:27), and know that you did the right thing. It was right and good for you and I to love the babies, to love them so much it hurts. It was right and good for you and I to open up our heart and our home and to take care and love them like our own. The Lord has a plan for their life, and He is the only one that knows its course.
The children belong to the Lord, that's comforting.
My encouragement to friends & family of foster parents out there is to love the people that foster these kids. Pray for them. And do your best to first understand how emotional and hard these times are for them before you tell them, "it will be alright." That phrase it probably very damaging, because lets be real....WE ALL KNOW ITS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. We have all dealt with and lived through some very hard times, so we know that these difficult times are only temporary. Just love us, tell us jokes and makes us laugh, and send us lots of cute & funny emojis.
Knowing that we have a supportive community behind us, that's comforting.
If by chance you are a biological parent and your child has been placed into foster care, my encouragement to you is to keep working hard for your child. The work you put forth and the decisions that you made in order to get your child back were difficult, but you did it. Love your child so deep. Please know and understand that the families taking care of your children are not against you, even though it can seem that way. Please also know and understand that they loved your child deeply, and although they are sad to see your child leave their home they are happy to see your child being with you. If you can, give updates on the child and how the transition it going, and know that you can talk to them about it because bridging goes beyond pre-reunification.
Knowing that your child was deeply loved and cared for, that's comforting.
May the Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26
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