My Roots.

Why do I blog? Honestly, I dont have a really good reason other than writing helps me think. There are a ton of thoughts, ideas, random blurb doing on in my head at almost all times of the day. Especially when I lay down to go to sleep at night! 

I just read a great post by Elaine Mingus....(here) And it inspired me. I dont think this whole blogging thing will go anywhere, and thats okay. If nobody reads this....thats okay. This really is just a way for me to get all my thoughts down....maybe free up some space in my head for new things. 

I used to be named Hailea Stewart. However, on November 29, 2014, I made a vow to man and became Hailea Regier. 

Just like anyone else, I have a past. A long history of pain, hurt, sadness, and anger. I still carry some of that with me today, but God continues to work with me through that. Depsite all of that, I know that my parents truly did everything they knew, and to the best of their ability. I cant hold it against them, although I want to....A LOT. Especially my father. I love both of my parents. I love my brother, even though we don't talk often. I love my grandmother who is about to be 74 and quickly losing mobility in her legs. I love my aunt, who has been a great support for me. I love my cousin who is currently at a half way house in Dallas after serving 6 months in a lockdown rehabilitation center and a recovering from a meth addiction. I also love my other cousin who I talk with just about every day on the phone, who provides girl conversations, laughter, and friendship from afar.  I love them all. 

I've been searching and I'm still searching. I just want more out of life. Jesus saved me back in '08, as a emotional, attitude filled teenager. He loved me then and He loves me now. I didn't grow up in a Christian home. I was first introduced to Jesus and the Church around age 7 or 8. We had some friends that went to church and I would go with them, The Sperry family. I went to church almost every Sunday and Wednesday. Thats when Jesus first instill his love for him, I know it. When we moved away at age 9, I didnt go to church anymore because I didnt really know anyone that did. I continued to read my Bible periodically, though. I went through life...doing the typical teenage things I suppose. To make a long, difficult story short...my parents got a divorce when I was 11. Both remarried at didnt stages, I went between both of them severl times beginning in 10th grade and ending in 12th grade. Half way through my 11th grade year, I asked Jesus into my life and publically professed that He is Lord and Savior. 

I went through 4.5 years of college and ended up graudating in Dec '13 with a Bachelors Degree in Family and Community Services. Since then, I have worked as a Care Coordianting, coordianting mental health/physical health for children and their families. The last TWO years of my life have been the most difficult. I have battled and continue to battle depression and anxiety. Feelings of inadequacy. Spreading myself thing. Bitterness. Anger. Tears. Brokenness. 

I want more out of life though. I dont want material things. I dont want money (although who wouldnt?!!?) I want more interally. I want to be more like Jesus. I want to see and be who He says that I am. I want to do whatever Jesus calls me to do.

....

Whats standing in the way? 

Emotions. 

Satan. 

Myself.

Foolishness.

Jesus, you are breaking me. Help me to open my eyes and see through your lens.