Something more.

Is it crazy to think that my misery and all other emotions attached to my current struggles in my job are a call to something else? Something more? Something that hasnt been revealed to me yet.

I just dont know. And that absolutely bothers me to no end, and I know that God knows that. 

I am so worn. I have no energy to put forth. And I weigh of the side of depression. I feel so stuck, like Im in a sea of uncertainty and I'm drowning. My soul is dried up, I'm empty.

One thing is for sure though: I will not give up on my Savior. Daily I am undeserving of His love. Yet, even through my sin and struggles He is here. I just know it. And I have faith that whatever it is that He isnt letting me in on He is working on it, and He will make Himself great. 

I dont understand any of this. Yes, I have struggled with confidence and a negative image of myself as far back as I can remember. But I have not ever felt as down and dreadful as I have over the last 8 months, or even 3-4 weeks. 

Jealousy wrecks havoc on me as I see so many of my close friends loving and enjoying what they do. They look forward to work. They love planning for and going out of their way to prepare themselves for their tasks. Come on, people, lets get real here. I am not the only person with these feelings and thoughts, even though Satan is telling me that I am. Satan just wants me to be alone. He just wants me to isolate myself because He knows: "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst" Matthew 18:20

Jesus, how do I go on? I will continue to go on. Please make my heart sensitive, my eyes to see, and my ears to hear the leadings of your Spirit. My faith is in You, Christ. Nothing is too big or too small.